Fish Tales

Stuffed tiger decoration

The Chinese lunar calendar doesn’t always seem to be fair. That is, at least when it comes to the animal zodiac associations.

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with the ox.

But, how much more awesome is the tiger?

A lot more.

Tiger may be my second favorite zodiac animal.

But, what could be better tiger?

Dragon.

For sure, dragon beats tiger.

Chinese Lunar New Year is just around the corner. And that means Chinatown is all decked out with fancy decorations.

Welcome, Year of the Tiger!

Old colonial building behind hanging lanterns

Festive items & food sold in Chinatown

Dried fruits

Liquorice-flavored melon seeds

Old man singing

Here in Singapore, if you say, “does the line end here” people mostly just look at you with a confused look. That’s because it’s called a “queue” around these parts.

Sometimes the queues can be a bit frustrating.

Why?

Because they’re often long and move very slowly. Especially the taxi queues.

And there’s no reason for it.

Long taxi queue at Takashimaya

Instead of allowing multiple people to board multiple taxis simultaneously, the taxi queue directors only allow passengers to board one car at a time.

Argh.

It drives me crazy!

The queue can be a hundred people long, like at Takashimaya tonight… but, everyone still boards one car at a time.

Am I the ONLY person who notices the queue could move five times faster with a minor process change?

I miss lines. Queues are too slow.

That’s “Happy New Year” in case you don’t read Chinese. Appropriate for my second New Year’s Eve in Singapore, I’d say.

Welcome to 2010. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

New Year's Eve fireworks from the apartment

One of my friends at work warned me to stay away from the shopping malls in Singapore on Christmas, but I didn’t heed her advice.

And, then paid the price.

Holy smokes!

I’ve never seen anything like it before. Literally, the Wisma Atria Mall walkways were jam-packed with people. Wall-to-wall. Front-to-back.

Apparently, the traditional “day after Christmas, rush the mall” activity common in America starts a day early here.

Or, perhaps it has something to do with stores offering great sales.

But, the only special deal I noticed was for huge crowds.

Christmas Day crowds @ Wisma Atria Mall

Three guys wondering why they didn't stay home

Bling! Bling!

Every Christmas season Singapore gets iced out. In a big way.

It’s flashy, over-the-top and beautiful all at the same time. And, you can almost hear that stereotypical sound as you roll down Orchard Road.

You need to see it to believe it. Hope this helps a bit…

Electric blue snowflake above Orchard Road

Electric blue snowflakes across Orchard Road (west)

Orchard ION shopping mall & Christmas tree

Thousands of blue orbs along Orchard Road

Christmas tree across Orchard Road (central)

Red stars across Orchard Road (east)

Thousands of red & white orbs along Orchard Road

Snowman orchestra - one of many carousels along Orchard Road

At our local drive-in restaurant, I always enjoyed watching the carhops roller skating from car to car. And marveling at how much they could carry without dropping anything.

That last part provided the most excitement. Not dropping anything.

How could that be?

So, a routine developed.

After spotting a medium-sized pebble, or other suitable debris, I would zone-in on that and hope for contact… and a resulting ’unfortunate accident’.

I wanted a crash. A big one with food flying everywhere!

Why? I have no idea. It’s probably related to watching too many Saturday morning cartoons. It was the 70s, and slapstick comedy ruled the airwaves. Plus, I had big hair – most likely accompanied by brown corduroy pants and an Incredible Hulk t-shirt. What did I know?

It just seemed like good entertainment.

But, it never happened. Ever.

So, I enjoyed my chocolate-dipped ice cream cone and saved my hatched notion for our next visit.

[flash forward to present day]

Last night, at the new 313@Sommerset Food Republic, those childhood memories resurfaced.

But, the game had changed. Good-bye roller skates. Hello Segway!

Food Republic beverage delivery girl

Like a learned behavior, I quickly scanned the environment looking for a weak link. A possible disruption. Anything.

But, being Singapore, there was nothing. Well, almost nothing.

I eyed the escalator nearby. The loooooong, moving escalator.

But, that would just be mean.

Right?

I’m not sure how many people in Singapore ever heard the iconic Wendy’s campaign tagline, “Where’s the Beef”. But, back in the mid 80’s it took America by storm. Everyone was saying it.

It’s a classic case of older being better, considering their current slogan is, “You know when it’s real”. Blah.

Anyway, this week when the inaugural Wendy’s opened in Singapore, the more famous phrase entered my mind – especially when I stopped by for a snack.

More later on why the doors were open

It’s been nearly two years since I’ve eaten a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger and a chocolate FROSTY!

Too bad I didn’t get either one.

Quarter pounder and mini vanilla Frosty

I left the restaurant thinking of several variations of “Where’s the —-“.

Where’s the chocolate?
How could they run out of chocolate for the Frosty’s? Seriously. That’s the most important item on the menu.

Where’s the rest of the Frosty?
A small really means small. They should just call it a Frosty Shot.

Where’s the spoon?
How can you eat Frosty without a spoon? Not right.

Where’s the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger?
Not on the menu. The best burger Wendy’s makes. Not on the menu.

Where’s’ the dollar menu?
Okay, I get this one. Exchange rates, etc.

Where’s the air conditioning?
Broken A/C. 90 degrees, high humidity, no fans. And heat pouring across the counter from the kitchen. Oh ya, and profusely sweating employees.

A little sweat with your food?

Where’s Wendy’s? Not in Singapore.

Yep, that famous American Dairy Association ad slogan applies to us, way out here in Singapore.

Just not quite as much.

Why’s that?

Because the milk in Asia just doesn’t taste right. It’s hard to put a finger on it, but to generalize… it’s sour. In the “the expiration date is nearing” kind of sour.

We’ve tried all the brands. Same problem. Even the more expensive Australian imports.

All sour.

So, when I noticed a new brand at the Cold Storage grocery store, I nearly moo’d myself.

California Sunshine Ultrafresh.

Got (California) Milk?

The name says it all.

What a great branding strategy. No fancy names. No gimmicks. Just let everyone know the milk is from California. That’s enough.

And, the price is about the same as the Indonesian milk down the shelf.

Did I mention they make chocolate milk too? They do. And, it’s fabulous.

I think it all has something to do with the California “Happy Cows”. They do make better milk.

Correct that. The best milk (at least in Singapore).

Trying a pool cover-up on for size

I’m not entirely positive, but I think Singaporeans appreciate a good bargain more than most.

When it comes to deals, there are two brands of shoppers. One generally knows what they want and then searches for the best value. The other simply hunts for discounts and then decides if they want it.

This shopping behavior is probably typical in most cultures. But, the latter stereotype feels more prominent than I’m used to.

It’s the classic, “you can’t afford not to buy this” attitude. No matter if it’s needed.

Sales driving purchase decisions.

Case in point. When a UNIQLO store opened in the new 313@Sommerset mall, the place attracted the best of the best bargain hunters.

Elbow to elbow traffic. Literally. I’m not exaggerating.

Why? All the pre-launch advertising featured the upcoming spectacular deals. Nothing about the products, just the pricing.

So, what I observed inside the store shouldn’t have surprise me. But, it did.

They featured, and substantially discounted, typical winter outerwear clothing. That’s right. Down jackets with fur trimmed hoods, parkas, quilted vests, wool coats and flannel shirts filled up nearly a third of the floor space!

My first thought. Why are they selling all this? Answer. Because people are buying it hand over fist.

Beat the heat & humidity with a UNIQLO fleece!

PEOPLE, WE LIVE ON THE EQUATOR!

This reality seemed to escape many of the visitors caught up in the frenzied scene.

UNIQLO fleece for only $19.90? Limited Offer! Can’t afford not to buy it.

UNIQLO beach party fleece

UNIQLO equator wear

New apple "juice drink" at my office

Sugar, water, MILK SOLIDS, conditioners, flavoring, coloring.

What’s all that doing in my juice!?!?

Oh, that’s right. It’s is a “juice drink”.

Silly me.

Since arriving in Singapore, I’ve learned a few things. And one of them is this… if the words “juice drink” appear anywhere on the container, keep shopping. Otherwise, you’ll end up with a watered-down, artificial drink the manufactures attempt to enhance with additives.

Sometimes the words are difficult to see. So, look carefully.

What got me thinking about this? Yesterday, my office switched (hopefully temporarily) juice brands. From a real juice to a “juice drink”. I think I must be getting what I pay for from the pantry refrigerator stocked with free beverages.

Not my kind of juice.

This must not be an isolated occurrence, because the supermarket shelves are overflowing with “juice drinks”. They look so deceiving with their band names. Peel Fresh, Fruit Tree, and even Sunkist. I’m not fooled. They look tasty, but I see those two words.

There's a reason it's only $2.55

This whole situation makes me miss my all-natural, not-from-concentrate, no-additives, inexpensive Florida orange juice, with pulp. Sure, it’s available here. But, for an arm and a leg.

Great price @ $7.50. Normally $9.10.